While revising my second paper, my biggest goal is to link the ideas of distraction and multitasking that I presented into my essay more strongly to 20-somethings. By doing this, it will also help with my problem of needing to summarize less and synthesize more. To do this, I’m planning on possibly changing my thesis to accommodate a new aspect to the argument: how may these “distractions” may be harming these young people as well as how it may be impacting their ability to parent. This idea occurred after I saw a comment added to my paper about how my example from Restak where he talks about the example of the “plastic on the cheese” could shift my paper in the parenting direction. I don’t think I would change my whole paper to revolve around this idea, but maybe put a section about it instead. It might be hard to do this, since neither piece talked on this much. However, I think it could be an interesting piece to add to link back to the example.
As well as doing this, I plan on using more examples from Henig’s essay. I didn’t really use her piece much when writing my first draft of this paper, but going back and finding stuff to help push my argument will help lead to new ideas to push me farther away from summarizing Restak’s & Anderson’s pieces.
I like how you played with color here to accentuate your primary goal. Fantastic use of the medium!
You also articulate your goal very well.